how freediving saved me

Freediving saved me. 

It’s made me feel powerful, strong, athletic, actually good at something… the opposite of what I had been feeling. For months and months, maybe even years, before my introduction to freediving I was feeling weak, ugly, less than, not skinny enough, not good enough and, after being cheated on by my then-partner, I felt stupid and naive on top of it all. I felt broken. Lucky for me I lived in Hawai’i so I could escape to the ocean. I’d always loved being in the water and the more time I spent shell hunting the more I wanted to push myself further. I had seen photos here and there on Instagram of girls freediving with these long fins. They looked strong, powerful and beautiful. I wanted that. 

After some friends posted about a class they took under Kurt Chambers I decided to take the class, too. Maybe I could learn some tricks, hold my breath longer, buy a GoPro and get some cool underwater pictures that would make me feel good enough again.

I was ready to take my first freedive class.

The class wasn’t very big but boy did I feel like a badass when I had the longest static breath hold in the class (just barely! The only other girl, Chloe, was just a few seconds behind me. Girl Power!) The instructor, Kurt, made some offhand comment to me about my breath hold being pretty good and that was all I needed. I went out to buy some long fins and a real freediving wetsuit, I mean, I had to look the part, right?

A month later I took Kurt’s class again and he asked me if I had ever thought about competing because he was organizing an amateur competition in Kona in a couple of months and he remembered that I had a “monster” (I think that was the word he used) breath hold and I should consider coming. To learn, to improve and to meet new dive buddies. By this time I looked up to Kurt alot, if Kurt thought I belonged at a freedive competition then maybe I should listen to him? I said yes. My life has never been the same. 

That trip to Kona was everything Kurt had promised. I had the opportunity to push myself to deeper depths than I ever thought possible. I learned new techniques and I hit 100 feet for the first time. But the best part wasn’t the diving, it was the people I met. Everyone was so kind and welcoming to me, the newbie. It really helped me put aside my nerves and self conscious thoughts to fully embrace the experience. The people I met there and through other freedive classes and camps are now my best friends. My fellow dive nerds. My people.

Freediving has shown me how to meditate in the ocean.

It’s no wonder many of us find freediving so calming. We spend minutes breathing up, slow and deliberate inhales and exhales. Our Mammalian Dive Response (MDR) kicks in and helps us dive longer by lowering our heart rate. I try to shut off my thoughts and just breathe. Then I dive and as I travel further and further from the surface, the increasing pressure feels like the ocean enveloping me, welcoming me. The experience I have when I’m diving can only be described as flow state. I have found a place that is quiet, where I am completely in the moment. When I am under the surface, diving on just one breath, the thoughts from the world up above are gone. My normal hamster-on-a-wheel-brain; my constantly thinking, judging, worrying mind is clear. It’s just me and the ocean now. 

Freediving has helped me learn to appreciate my body for the incredible things it is capable of. How can I hate a body that can take me deep into the depths of the ocean and bring me back to the surface safely? The self loathing that, at times, was completely consuming faded. I knew I was bigger than my negative thoughts because I had the mental toughness to dive over a hundred feet deep. If my brain could manage that without a panic attack, I felt like I could manage a lot more on land than I’d previously thought possible. I was right. 

Fast forward a few years and here I am. A new freediving instructor. I am so thankful for this sport, hobby, lifestyle, whatever you want to call it. I want to share it with others. I started teaching because I don’t believe that my experience with freediving is unique. I’d like to show people that they too are capable of feats that they never thought possible. It is such a privilege to introduce others to an activity that has given me so much. 

Freediving has given me self confidence and strength. 

Freediving has given me a community of people I love & who love me. 

Freediving has given me purpose.